Diary #23: Trying to face forward

I often find myself getting into this mood where I want to do something that I know I should have spent more time doing, but out of fear of how much it’s going to hurt because I had put off doing it, I end up putting it off even further.

Most of the time, what seems to hurt is self-inflicted. There is the guilt trip of being less than fully devoted, not committed, and irresponsible that sends me into a negative feedback loop, thinking that if that’s my nature, why should I even waste my time pretending? It’s my nature to care more than I should about what other people think, and combining this with the negativity I mentioned ends up being very debilitating.

I’m trying to get myself to face forward in spite of the bad feelings. To begin with, I’m writing this blog to break the chain of missed blogs that I’ve achieved during this latter half of summer. Now that that’s over with, maybe I’ll be able to focus on some of the positive things that are going on with me. Things like finishing up with Summer of Code and going to Paris in mid-September! Next blog.


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